Confucius say: Love yoo short time (twice)

okay ...

once upon a time in college i had a class. in this class there was a cute asian girl ... freshman. this being santa barbara, i talked to her for about an hour and we ended up in my bed that night. actaully, it was my housemate's bed because there was a problem with my room's carpet at the time which i will explain more. this being santa barbara she lived 5minutes walk to her dorm, and so I let her let herself out. a few hours later, i decide to call her to ask if she would take notes for me the next day because I planned to miss class for something i cant remember why. so faded and drained, i scroll in my phone with one eye open and find the first "jane" SEND.

ring ding dong "Heeeyy! what's goin' on ... how have you been?" ... this past 45 mintues since you left??? ... Doin' not to shabby. how about you ... long story short, in the next 60 seconds i realized i had called someone else ... another girl with the same name ... asian ... whom i met in a different city a while back, but who co-incidently "studied" at ucsb as well. except only she was a super-senior. "I totally think I saw you skating home the other day and i wanted to say Hi but i didn't think you would recognize me" ... "why wouldn't i? facelift already?" ... "no haha lol jk bff bbm lmao stfu, etc. ... I DYED MY HAIR BLONDE" ... at this point im sitting up smiling to myself about the co-incidence and randomness, remembering that this second "Jane" girl had a lot of piercings, loved trance & disco-biscuits and was basically down to get down at my friends jacuzzi even before we went out to the club. "where are you? i.v.? let's meet up. yea now. what are you doing? drinking tequila with your friends? i'm on the way ...

... i drive down the block, looking for this 4ft10 little japanese girl with blonde hair ... i know on the unit door and who answers? FUCKING ZANGEEF FROM STREETFIGHER ... some six-foot-six butch bearded ufc looking grizzly bear with a keystone in his paw and grunts "yea?" ... after a few seconds staring at this guy in confusion i mumble "um ... i think i have the wrong apartm-----" "Heeyyy!!! come in come in baby wuddup" she pokes her head out into the doorframe ... yup blonde alright.

baby? naw. i dont know who this goon is, her boyfriend, the guy who wants to be her boyfriend, her roommate she fucks, dealer ... my ballz shrivel up a bit. "this is Mongo, my friend, he's such a sweetie" ... "i'm sure" i thought to myself" ... so I complement them on their beer-can pyramid and dodge the indoor horseshoe game while wondering how there can be so many fist-holes in walls without anyone having a cast ... wait, the other guy on the couch has a black eye.

"Jane you missed it i blacked out so hard last night" ... "omg me too how funny" .... awsome. lezzzzz goooo

i asked her to go outside with me for a cigarette. she smoked menthols only ... "how may piercings do you have? ... really 9?" any ink? can i see ... o, it's hidden then? i see"

this is when i intended to find out where her tattoo was hidden. the first "jane" really didn't know how to give dome ... and this girls nipples were pierced so played the odds that she's a freak. by the end of a second cigarette and me acting like a total prick, we're off to my house ... "naw i don't think you should bring the Jose bottle. it's already opened and i'm driving. besides i have some at home"

in fact i didn't. only vodka. so vodka it was. once we got to my house i asked why she keeps sniffling/whistling out of her un-pierced nostral. was it the shinny stud? or does she like to hit the slopes? (yayo) ... "im allergic to my pet bunny-rabbit my nose is clogged i can't smell anything" ... good thing too because a few days earlier a pipe broke in out bathroom and flooded the hallway carpet and half of my room carpet with plumbing water because the property owner was the cheapest scumbag piece of shit slumlord in i.v. and didn't fix anything for over 20 yrs. So my house smelled like a wet dog and all the fans were on to dry off the floors.

anyways, one shot two shot three shot bang bang bang ... in my bed with the INDUSTRIAL FANS ON FULL BLAST AND THE MUSIC BUMPING TO DROWN OUT THE UN-SEXY VACUUM SOUND ... i leave all the windows open.

turns out she wasn't lying, she did have 9 piercings ... minus the two nipple-rings she left at my house because i made her take out so that shit so i could bite on her tits. this mini weighed like 90 lbs so we got acrobatic. she was my first stand-up 69, but Dionysis punished me for being such a sleez that night, and made it so that she couldn't blow me much because she couldn't breath out of her nose with my ballz in her mouf. at least she couldn't smell the funky carpet and her tat wasn't a bullseye tramp stamp (but at that point i kinda wish it was)

we finish up ... after it takes me even longer than i would have liked to bust a nut because of my session with Jane #1 earlier that night.

it's like 6am, and SHE tells me she has to go pick up he car because she left it in Mongo's parking spot and has to move it because she doesn't have a permit or some shit who cares its 6 in the morning im fucking tired and both my brains, body and balls are all drained. i get home and my neighbors ask me later that morning why it sounded like I was murdering someone last night ... the windows were all open, and she was a bit of a screamer. Fuck i'm so sorry i must have kept everyone up with my degenerate shenanigans.

few weeks later i am talking to my cousin in back home asking him what he is doing and he mentions that they are his friends pool with a few girls getting naked "one of them says she goes to ucsb actually. " i ask "yea? is she hot?" ... "she's asian, blonde with blue eyes", he replied.

"Is her name jane?" ... Im cracking up laughing ... "tell her I said she left her nipple-rings at my house"

"what?" he said? ... "just tell her and see what she says i gotta go to class" ... he texts me "hahahahaha"

... and that's the story of how I poked two asian girls with the same name on the same day. phf.

I was gonna have to fight buck nekkid

So I get to the bar one night and run into some folk I know. They are about to leave but this girl named Carol tells them she will stay with me and I can give her a ride home. Carol's boyfriend is not there that night, and she has been drinking with her friends for awhile so I start buying her waters to level her out. She keeps telling me that her boyfriend is working a new job that goes from 6PM to 4AM, so he won't be around and she wants me to take her out salsa dancing. We leave from that bar at about 11:30. I make a joke to the bartender that I am going to deliver her to her boyfriend now. She tells me "No he's not gonna be home, it's okay we can hang out".

We go to another bar first. I am drinking beers and doing tequila shots all night, I am making sure she is drinking waters all night. She starts getting cozy on me in the back of the bar. She tells me that last time I saw her and her boyfriend at the bar, she saw him hugging up on some girl, then he disappeared for 2 to 3 hours, and after the bar closed, and they kicked everyone out, she found him outside with that girl. Carol tells me how hurt and mad she was that night. What I didn't tell Carol was that same night her boyfriend told me he was about to start banging an ex on the side, that he recently got back in contact with. Carol is totally sober by the end of the night and getting very cozy on me. After last call I take her home and she is telling me about her family, and holding my hand the whole time, rubbing my fingers. She tells me again that she wants me to take her dancing and that it's okay cause her boyfriend won't be around because of his new job.

When we get to her house she invites me in for a drink. She says she has all these new rums she wants me to try. We go inside and go into her kitchen. As she is looking through her booze trying to decide what to pour out I caught a bottle of Patron from the corner of my eye and asked for a shot. We each did a shot of Patron, then she poured out 2 jack and cokes. I drink half of mine, she only takes two sips from her's then she leans back against the counter and starts moving her body . Her hips are just going back and forth. Then she grabs me by the sides and pulls me in and starts grinding on me. My hands go on the counter cause I am pretty drunk at this time but I still know she has a boyfriend so I am kind of trying to figure out what to do. Then she nuzzles her head into my neck and keeps grinding on me. My hands are still on the counter.Now she starts to kiss my neck, and my hands go off the counter. One hand slides behind her waist, the other behind her neck as I start kissing her neck back. Then I kiss her lips and slide my tongue in. I go back to her neck. I start right under her ear and work my way down her throat. Then I start to come down her chest. My hand slides her shirt and bra down and I start sucking on her nipple. Meanwhile my other hand slides down her shirt and bra on the other side, then I move on to that breast. I move back and slide her shirt and bra over and off her her body, I then start sliding her pants and panties down. I go onto my knees and start eating her pussy. She jumps up on the counter and opens her legs for me. I am still eating her right there. I am so drunk. She leans back and her body turns the handle and the water in the sink is now running. I am so drunk that even though my face is buried in between her legs I am hearing the water running and thinking, "Man that is wastefull". So I reach with my right hand behind her and turn the water off. I get up after a little bit and tell her lets go to the living room. She walks in front of me. She's completely naked. Carol is young and cute, pink nipples, little tight but. She looks back and me and says, "Oh you're bad". We get to the couch and she opens up for me and I start eating her out again. I go until she orgams. Then I pull my head out and I take my clothes off. I grab her legs open and let my cock sit on her and just rub it a few times. Then I put the head in the right place, and I slowly push in. I'm holding her legs back behind her knees and pushing myself in. Her head is pulled back and she's breathing heavy. Then I turn her around and I grab her ass with both hands and spread her open. I was going to go in her ass but she says "No, don't fuck me in the ass". So I grab my cock and find her pussy and push my way in. She starts pushing herself back into it. We're going so hard that my cock keeps coming out all the way and ramming back in. She's flipping out. I stopped before I came though. I sat on the couch and she got on her knees and she starts to suck my dick. She puts her right hand over her mouth though so that I can't see her sucking my dick. It was really cute, like she was sucking my dick but she was still shy about it. After awhile we get up to go to her bedroom. I start going down the hall and hear her say, "No that's my brother's room". She walks in front of me into a room and says "this is my room". She jumps up onto the bed. I see her young pink ass and it is so pretty. I climb up behind her then I open her legs up and we start going again. After awhile I turn her and start taking her from behind again on the bed. Then I turn her and hold her right leg up. Her body is so tight, and so pretty. And her pussy feels so good.

At about 4:30 AM we hear voices, the front door, and voices again. Her boyfriend just came over to her house at 4:30 AM, he sounds drunk and there are 2 girls with him. I jump off of Carol and she pulls the blanket over herself. I am expecting for her boyfriend to come running in any second. I run by the door buck naked and I stand there waiting for him. All I can think is I will choke him out and run out and grab my clothes and leave while he's out. I am standing there waiting, and waiting. After awhile he still hasn't come in. I decide I have to move so I sneak out into the living room and see the lights are still off. I sneak in and grab my clothes, and take them back to her room. I put all my clothes on and then I sneak back down the hall. When I get back to the living room I start running for the front door, go through it and let the door slam behind me. I keep running to my car, jump in and drive home. I barely made it out.

The next day I realized that I left my arm band that everyone knows I always wear in the kitchen with her clothes. I know she got caught that night and I know he knows it was me. One of his best friends actually ended up stepping to me and we fought over it last New Year's. Oh well, she was worth it. Young, pretty, girl next door type. Cute little pink nipples and tight little but. My only regret is getting caught, She was giving me the go ahead to keep it going since her boyfriend wouldn't be around. We'll see what happens, I wouldn't mind getting at that again.

Good times.
Fred from LB

Sorority Stink

I went to this bar for this party that was being promoted on campus. I went with a bunch of friends, and we pre-partied hard before a charted bus took us to the venue. The place was cool, the dj was playing some funky music, and the girls were looking good while the drinks were strong.

I approached the dance floor which usually means business. After dancing with a few uninteresting girls, my eyes scoured the floor and met the eyes of an exotic, olive skinned Latina, who returned a sexual inviting stare. I played it cool and moonwalked into her to the tune of Billie Jean. We started dancing and within minutes our lips were locked. At this point I was hammered drunk, decide to go outside for some fresh air and see my boy makin out wit some chick outside, so far the night was going swell. I returned inside and began dancing with the ever so busty latina. We began kissing again and the next thing I know I am sitting on the bus next to her and I am freestyling to her and others near by. We get to our final destination and we walk off the bus and she asks me if I would like to come over.

We walk into her building and its not a regular apartment building, after seeing the composites on the wall I realize I am inside a sorority house. She takes me into her room, which was almost pitch black and we get in her twin bed and begin undressing each other. Thats when the stench came. The girl smelled like third world BO. I was a little disgusted, but the combination of the alcohol and the erection quickly got me used to the horrid smell. Meanwhile, I heard noise from the other side of her room, and I asked her what that was. She replied, "Don't worry, it's just my roommate," who I could tell was having trouble falling asleep. I felt wild next to this animal, who fucked like an animal and I gave her what she needed.

I fell asleep right after and woke up what seemed like five minutes later confused at my surrounding. The latina was snoring like my father and the smell got worse. I felt like a zookeeper who snuck into the gorillas cage. I couldn't believe where I was and decided I had to leave. I snuck out of bed, quietly put on my clothes and walked out of the sorority house. It was 7 in the morning on a saturday and didn't want to wake my roommates, I walked the 45 min back to my place and showered for an hour.

When its spurm of the moment, its spurm of the moment.

Tharr She Blows

Wednesday night, I met up with this girl and her friend to watch the game at a bar. One of them is a cute little blonde, and her friend is a tall, not so cute girl with a side lisp. Kind of reminds me of a pirate for some reason, but she had some big titties though. When I got there, they were already a bit tipsy. After a few rounds of tequila shots we were all a little buzzed, so we ordered a couple more. After those, the nips started poppin out and they started making out, so I ordered another round.
At this point, the blonde was showing off her new nipple rings to half the bar, and her friend the pirate, who was barely understandable before, paid the whole tab. She started babbling something about going back to my place to have some fun. But all I could think about was, "fuck if I knew she was paying, I would have ordered more."
We got to my room, the blonde went to the bathroom. I forgot to mention that my sink is broken, and sprays a strong pressurized flow of water straight at the user. A second later, I hear her scream, and walks out soaking wet. It wasnt too hard to convince her to take her clothes off.
So im sitting between the two of them, one naked, one im hoping will keep her clothes on, and we're watching TV. I look over, and the blonde is passed out. I look the other way, and the pirate is rubbing my thigh. I thought to myself, "O man, I dont wanna touch this bitch, she better not lean in for a kiss." So i busted the good ol, "pretend to be passed out" trick, but she kept rubbing my cock, which wasnt so bad.
She started screaming at the blonde, trying to wake her but she was snoring at that point. Then, Im pretty sure she said, "Shes gonna wake up soon, Ill just give you some head." Then again, she could have said I'm going to bed" but either way I took my pants off. She put it in her mouth, so Im pretty sure i guessed right. She gave a pretty good blow, and I actually passed out with my pants down on the couch.
A minute later Im awakened by a slap in the face, the pirate screaming at me. "You fucking asshole, why didnt you warn me about the sink? It sprayed me right in the face!" She was completely soaked.
"Haha, yee. Guess thats twice in a row you get squirted."

I dont usually get into these situations, but it was a spurm of the moment kinda thing.